I returned home this morning from a lovely 5:30 a.m. Crossfit to find the GUIDOS truck-full-of-ladders
blocking my driveway. Really?
It’s 6:40 a.m., why are you guys here already? Ain’t no rest for the wicked. I had to honk and then the truck moved. Pretty easy…but still…it’s the principle of the matter.
The Guidos think they run this block, that they can park wherever they want and jackhammer whenever suits them. It’s Friday morning, Gueeds…go get some breakfast tacos and come to work at 8:30 like a self-respecting San Antonian would.
I have only one message for The Guido Brothers: Get Out!
It was sadly tweeting and I didn’t know what to do.
So I left it. I mean, it’s mom was probably coming….
At first, I thought you were broken. To the casual passerby, your one lonely pump looks dejected, forlorn, and out-of-service. One single pump. This is the stuff of ghost towns long abandoned. But you’re not in a ghost town. You are at the corner of McCullough and Ashby, a mile from the heart of downtown San Antonio. The first time I used you, I was afraid.
But I had no choice. It was on the way to work and I needed gas in the worst way. So I pulled up to the pump, timidly. I got out of the car and looked at the screen on the side of the pump. It looked like it worked. Asking for God’s protection, I quickly slid my debit card through the scanner. Again, it looked like it worked. I began filling up my car, and the rest is history.
That was months ago, and now One-Pump Valero and I have become fast friends, true bosom buddies. It’s where Roy and I purchased one of Angelina Jolie’s most famous laugh-out-loud comedies, The Changeling. It’s where I go to get my day-after-spurs-win free cup of coffee. It’s where you’ll always find a full-stocked freezer of Blue Bell half-gallons AND pints. And it’s where a homeless told me he couldn’t eat apples because he had no teeth.
So here’s to you One-Pump Valero—-may your quiet solitude and full freezer always remain a beacon of hope for antsy Cobalt Club patrons and me.
ONE-PUMP VALERO PROVED AGAIN THAT IT CAN HANG WITH THE MULTI-PUMP VALEROS BY PROVIDING AN ABUNDANCE OF EXTRA LARGE COFFEE CUPS FOR OUR FREE GO SPURS GO COFFEE THIS MORNING! DID I GO TWICE BEFORE WORK?
I HAVE THE STRONGEST URGE TO FIND LEBRON AND BLAST THIS SONG AT HIM IN MY 2013 FIESTA T-SHIRT I BOUGHT AT HEB! OUT OF IRONY, OF COURSE!
Last night I met up with Cake and MK4 at King’s Court Frankfurter Express for some dogz.
They have it all. I got The Brat which came with Dijon mustard and sauerkraut. But of course I had to hit up the condiment bar for some bright green relish, knowwhatimean! The man behind the counter said we should come back for some of his deep fried banana covered in frosted flakes put inside of a deep fried bun topped with 2 scoops of deep fried vanilla ice cream. We said OK then jumped into the deep fryer ourselves.
Just kidding, we actually then walked over to the newly opened SA Pops! Too many great-looking paletas to choose from, so I went with my historical favorite, coconut. It rocked. Go there! They also have homemade cookie ice cream sandwiches, soft-serve, shaved ice, and the Facebook page has a great picture of a banana split. It’s the closest ice cream place to my house so I know I’ll be back, jack.
That’s how this gal tasted. Delicious. the yellow-tutu-wearing bartendress at Halcyon recommended it Friday night. Right on, tendress.
But all good things must come to an end. And so they did. In two ways:
- MK4, after verbally uttering his praises to the tendress about the great beer, had his glass knocked out of his hand and it shattered all over the modern, painted cement Halcyon floor. Upside: The glass-knocker bought him another gal.
- My “friends” decided they were “over it” and were ready to go, forcing me to chug the remaining 3/4 of my gal. Upside: No upside
At approximately 2 p.m. on Monday, June 3, the Guidos turned off our water. I had just gotten back from a sweat sesh and looked like this:
I went downstairs to ask a Guido if he knew when they would be turning the water back on. He said in an hour or less. He was very nice. Typical Guido.
One hour passed. No water. I went to do laundry to pass the time, yet I was still un-washed.
Finally around 5 p.m. water was back in flow. Seriously, Gueeds? At least write us a nice note like last time. Typical guido move.
Thanks for the notice, Guido
So I was actually out of town for this…but R was sure to alert me.
Our fav pals The Guido Brothers aka the construction company working 10 feet from our castle on McCullough left R and me this thoughtful invitation to their 2 a.m. construction party. Oh wait, this isn’t a party.
My mom always said “nothing good ever happens after midnight.” Barring Dominoes delivering and HBCB, her point is proven again here.
Ok, Guidos…just because you’re throwing big fancy words at us like “expedited”, “longevity”, and “please” doesn’t hide the fact that your going to be jack-hammering cement at 2 a.m.
This is on par with their previous hi-jinx: doing “business” between 8 p.m. and midnight. And by “business” I mean just throwing huge rocks at the ground. For hours.
More to come on these kitchen-window-peering, construction vampires.
Go fist-pump somewhere else, Gueeds.